Failure Is Sometimes God's Plan Too

Have you ever worked so hard on something, did your best, went above and beyond and yet it didn't work out? You failed?

It happened to me yesterday. I still can't believe it.

If you've been reading, you know I'm on a quest (let's make it sound cooler then it is...) to become a paramedic. I'm currently (or was) enrolled in EMC 110 and was getting ready for my practicals and NREMT. Well, it's all changed.
I took a final yesterday that changed my whole timeline. It changed everything. I was just a couple of points away from getting the right score to participate in the practicals.
So I'm not getting certified this summer like I planned. I won't be an EMT this fall like I planned...
...and it's killing me.

I cried yesterday all the way home from class, up until bed, then when I woke up this morning. I just can't take it in. I worked, so, so hard this semester...for nothing? I neglected my friends and family, stayed home and studied, didn't participate in fun outings...I tried my very hardest and I still didn't make it. I prayed yesterday with my grandmother, and I realized something.

If I tried my very hardest and did everything I could, this must be God's plan. I wasn't meant to get certified this summer for some reason or another. I still don't get it, but I know God will show me the answer loud and clear and I'll know it when He does.
It's still hard to chew though. It's terrible, it's horrible...but I'm still trying to come to terms with how to thankful for what happened. I know there's an ultimate reason and God has protected me in some way...but its just so hard...because I worked so hard and I selfishly don't wanna let go of that.

I'm working on it though. Slowly.

I think another good cry and God's Word might help. Just please keep me in your prayers.

-Sarah 

A Dip

This is gonna seem bi-polar, but I just don't even want to go to my EMT class today.

I'm just...ashamed? Embarrassed? Mad at myself? All of those things and more.

I failed my trauma test and patient skills assessment Tuesday. The thing is, I know the information, so why didn't I apply it? The computer exam was really difficult. It was hard, at least for me it was. That tells me I need to do more reading or do something to remember everything better...re-read over a bunch of stuff.

I just...flopped on my skills assessment though. I got so nervous, and it was just my instructor Ben! I can't believe I just...I don't know. My mind kept going blank...and I kept forgetting what I had done and what I hadn't done. My patient had been beaten unconscious and so I put him on a BVM, and forgot to insert an oral adjunct, which could have taken care of his breathing problem and I wouldn't even have to put him on a BVM...and so, that was a critical criteria and it failed me. I got zero points.

My grade took a dip. It scares me. I only have a few weeks to get my grade back up.

...and now I get to check off on that same skills assessment. This time, it'll go on my record.

Please be praying for me!

Sarah

Second Ambulance Ride-Along!

Okay, so I had a great, but tiring, but GREAT day!

Why? Because I had my second day of ride-along time! I just love being on the ambulance! I don't know what it is. Even though all I've really done is take vitals, write patient reports for class and help with the stretchers...I still love it. And I love learning new things that the paramedics teach me while riding. I've learned so, so much!

Gaaaaahhhhhhh....I think I'm in love. I'm blessed.

I sat in the back (in the "captain's chair" or whatever...) and wrote out my patient care reports most of the time. They're really sloppy...and I didn't use military time (whoops!). I'm still not used to using it and it takes time for me to count up the time...lol.

This video is sideways, but it shows me riding in the back, trying to be all sneaky, because there's no way I wanted those cool paramedics to know the wannabe-EMT was taking videos in the back, :) (really, I was just trying to get some videos to send Austin...lol)

We were really busy today though. We left the station at about 7:45am and didn't get back until about 2:00pm. Then I had one last ride with another truck that was on first shift. I got 5/10 patient contacts! I'll get the rest next Monday...

I just love it all....but the paperwork. Yuck. I already don't like it...but I guess it must be done....

Just wanted to share my day with ya'll! I'm blessed! God has given me so much!

-Sarah

*SQUUUUE*

I'm going on my second ambulance ride along as an EMT student tomorrow morning. *SQUUUUEEEE*
Over and out. 

-Sarah

My Passion: Training to be an EMT

“The courage of exploring myself was nothing compared to the courage of actually doing the EMT course, ... As a writer, the concept of self-revelation is not new. The problem was getting through the depression and anxiety and doing something unheard of for me: becoming an EMT. Writing about self-revelation is gravy.” - Michael Stern

 

I only really decided to pursue becoming a Flight Paramedic/PA/Wilderness Medic a year ago. Thinking about it, sure. I always had, but I'm acting on it now. I'm at Eastern Kentucky University, an Emergency Medical Care Major (Paramedic/Science Bachelor's Degree) and currently only a couple of months away from getting my first certification; the basic EMT Certification. 

 

This class is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I have to constantly stay in my book (every day, every night before bed) or I'll fall behind and like a sick Discovery documentary, be devoured by the gruesome skills tests and module exams. Not only do you have to memorize e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g; you have to think on it. You have to act on it. Make calls that don't get your patients killed. 

 

"Remember, we save our patients; we do not kill them." 

 

I can't tell you how many times my instructor has cadenced this over the semester. Not only do you need to know the medicine, you need to know the medicine. What counteracts it? What contradicts it? Will it kill your patient? How fast does it start working? Will it be effective in this time frame? Can you give a patient on blood thinners Nitro? Does your patient have an allergy to this medication? 

Which leads me into...your patient. 

You have to communicate with them. Get their history. Get their name. Age. SAMPLE. OPQRST. Events leading up to your call. Family. Is your patient stressed? Lost their job recently? Deep in debt? A passed love one? What is their mental status? Are they suicidal? Could they become so? Have violent tendencies? A smoker? A drinker? 

Then you have skills to learn. Not only do you have head-knowledge. You have hands-on knowledge. Skills to check off on. Skills your Instructor or their assistants have to check you off on. You have to keep in practice with this skills or you will loose them. I have to constantly re-check myself on my blood-pressure cuff. I think I have bad-hearing as it is, and it's hard to hear that pulse, even with a stethoscope. (Which, I may need to go get my hearing re-checked.) 

 

 

 (No, That is NOT a legit-skills-assessment sheet. I wish it was.)

 

Though this is the hardest thing I've done...I love all of it. It's worth it. I'm going to have a job (God-willing) that I love. 

 

" Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."

-Steve Jobs

 

I'm going to be partaking in my first ambulance shift this Monday as part of my class. Before the end of the semester I have to get 10 patient contacts and log in 24 hours of time. I have been given three dates to do this on and if I need additional days I can get them. The team that's hosting me is only about 20 minutes away, so it's not bad at all. 

I'm really excited! I honestly can't wait! 

 

Hope you all enjoyed this! I just wanted to give you all a better look into my schooling and my passion ;)

Have a blessed day! 

 

Sarah

Student Blues...

Salutations everyone...

Feeling: like poo. but a little excited. #confused
Enjoying: the heat coming from the fireplace behind me.
Reading: the "Switch Girl" manga.
Dreaming: of better grades and ACLS calls...
Gathering: materials to make a nerdy care-package with ;)
Realizing: bacon tastes best when you leave it fatty #yum #breakfast
Hoping: my travels to Cincy today are not deterred by this snow
Missing: warm weather, bright blue skies and the sun! Waiting for this snow and cold weather to disappear. And my hunny-boo-boo.
Discovering: dark chocolate is amazing. I'm eating all my profit. I'm going to be funding my Alaskan Mission Team all by myself.
Loving: life and learning to love myself.
Trying: my best not to get down about my recent exam results. but it's really hard. #emtstudent #ugh

Okay, like you all have caught glimpses of already, I'm a bit down. I've been spending every spare minute, every spare second to study for this big exam in my EMT class for the last couple of weeks. I even skipped the class before my EMT one to do a little review.
And I failed. I FAILED my exam. Failed it. With a whopping 52%.
I'm a little discouraged and a lotta troubled.  
I just don't understand it.

I've been studying...and that's all done to waste. I had a couple of moments when I even considered dropping the class. If I can't do this, how am I supposed to do my job? How am I supposed to save people if  I can't pass a simple 100-question multiple-choice test?
Ughhhhh...I don't wanna think about it anymore. It makes me sad.

On another note, I'm going to Cincy (OH) with my sister to get our book "The Undead Pool" (the new book in the amazing Hollows Series) signed the amazing author Kim Harrison! We went last year too, so I'm way excited about it this year! I wish I'd gotten a t-shirt to wear though...
Oh well!
Ciao guys! I gotta go get ready! Make today a blessing,

Sarah