Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Failure Is Sometimes God's Plan Too

Have you ever worked so hard on something, did your best, went above and beyond and yet it didn't work out? You failed?

It happened to me yesterday. I still can't believe it.

If you've been reading, you know I'm on a quest (let's make it sound cooler then it is...) to become a paramedic. I'm currently (or was) enrolled in EMC 110 and was getting ready for my practicals and NREMT. Well, it's all changed.
I took a final yesterday that changed my whole timeline. It changed everything. I was just a couple of points away from getting the right score to participate in the practicals.
So I'm not getting certified this summer like I planned. I won't be an EMT this fall like I planned...
...and it's killing me.

I cried yesterday all the way home from class, up until bed, then when I woke up this morning. I just can't take it in. I worked, so, so hard this semester...for nothing? I neglected my friends and family, stayed home and studied, didn't participate in fun outings...I tried my very hardest and I still didn't make it. I prayed yesterday with my grandmother, and I realized something.

If I tried my very hardest and did everything I could, this must be God's plan. I wasn't meant to get certified this summer for some reason or another. I still don't get it, but I know God will show me the answer loud and clear and I'll know it when He does.
It's still hard to chew though. It's terrible, it's horrible...but I'm still trying to come to terms with how to thankful for what happened. I know there's an ultimate reason and God has protected me in some way...but its just so hard...because I worked so hard and I selfishly don't wanna let go of that.

I'm working on it though. Slowly.

I think another good cry and God's Word might help. Just please keep me in your prayers.

-Sarah 

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