Just Getting By

When we have something to look forward to or something we're waiting for, we seem to hold our breath and float through life until that approximate time. Then we wake up and make the most of it!

That's what I've been doing. Since this deployment started, I've just been getting by. I've noticed it in my grades, my home life and just...everything. I've been forgetting things, putting things off, spending time alone, and just...not caring, about anything, unless it involves Austin or sending care packages or....whatever.
I'm sick of it.

I shouldn't be wasting this time of my life just waiting. I'm not really doing anything. I've just been...here.

God doesn't want me wasting my life. Austin wouldn't want me sitting around doing nothing. And me...I'm tired of not doing anything. I feel like I haven't done a thing since he's been gone. It makes me sick...

I mean, I've been in college, but I haven't been doing like I should. I haven't been studying like I usually would...and even when I do...I haven't retained the information. Work is...well, work. I feel like I never want to be there. I don't even care if I go...and I have bills to pay.

I just need...Jesus. I need direction. I need to pray. I need to get in His Word more. I need to make myself, though I shouldn't have to. I should want to read more and learn more about my Savior...
I don't know. Just please be praying for me. I want this...whatever I'm in to go away.

Sarah